stark_spangled | [PSL] Steve + Bucky, post-TWS [locked to irememberedhim]

He remembers. Steve's heart leaps into his throat, and he takes an involuntary step forward, propelled by the ache of knowing Bucky's scrimping by homeless when Steve just wants to take care of him, to return the years Bucky gave him, to draw him in and hold him. Holding himself back is practically torture.

"... And I said if you were waiting on me to roll over and die on you, you'd be waiting a long time," Steve says, the humor in his voice strained. They'd made a pact that they'd stick with each other till the end of the line, and Steve had no plans on going anywhere. Not without Bucky. Not then, and not now. He shakes his head, breathing a quiet laugh. "Is... that OK? Those memories, they don't bother you?"

He doesn't look angry, so Steve hazards another step forward, wrapping his hand around Bucky's arm. He could stand to have a change of clothes. "If you think I'm worried about some dirt, then just wait until you remember the couch I used to sleep on. It's OK. You can clean up here, if you want to. I've got hot water and some clothes that should fit you."

He hesitates. Stay. It's on the tip of his tongue, but he doesn't say it just yet. If Bucky thinks he's going to let him leave tonight without some argument he's got another thing coming, though. That'll come in time.

"I didn't want you to die. I don't...you..." He looked pained, straining to bring up the memories that weren't strictly HYDRA. "I said you were my mission...I was wrong. I couldn't remember and I hurt you." He said, scrubbing a hand over his face before feeling Steve's hand against his skin. He looked at it and then back at him.

"They don't bother me. We were...you were my best friend, but we were more, weren't we? I feel it, but I still can't...quite remember. Not everything." He said before smiling softly, tilting his head. "I'd like that. If you really don't mind. I don't want to be a burden."

"You're not," he says, maybe a little more forcefully than he should have. The memories are painful for the both of them, and as Steve's free hand moves to the back of Bucky's neck his expression reflects that. But not in such a way that he looks unhappy; he just wants Bucky to understand how much he cares about him, without scaring him off. "You've never been a burden, Buck. Never. And everything that happened, I forgive you. I know you were confused."

He wets his lips, hunting for the right words. "Hey, you may be a lot stronger now, but I can still handle myself in a fight. Look, I'm fine now. All right?"

He smiles reassuringly.

"We were..." he hesitates, rewording things slightly. "I loved you very much. I still do. Back then, we were intimate with each other. I didn't tell you before because I knew you were having a hard time remembering, and I didn't want you to think that I -- that I expected anything from you that you weren't ready for. I care about you, Bucky. No matter what."

Bucky's eyes widened a bit when Steve moved in even closer and his hand found its way to the back of Bucky's neck. He stared at him before suddenly blushing and clearing his throat, looking down. He swallowed before shifting a bit.

"I think I remember it...a little." He said before lifting his head and looking at him again before stepping closer. "Steve..." He let his eyes trail down the other man's face and chest, reaching out and sliding his fingers down his chest slowly. "I want to...help me remember?"

At first he thinks he may have gone too far. Bucky looks startled, and Steve braces himself to be pushed away or attacked, ready to pull his hands back and give him some more space. But as his hands are slipping from his skin, Steve sees the creeping blush, and the way he takes that small step forward, and in this moment there's nothing that could snuff the hope in his chest. That impossible hope and trust and belief that refuses to be beaten down.

He covers the back of Bucky's hand, letting it skim his chest leaving wakes of fire in cotton that suddenly feels way too constricting. He sighs involuntarily, wishing they were skin to skin again. It's been so long.

"Bucky..." He squeezes his hand. Ever since finding him, he's been hoping he'd hear those words. "I'm right beside you, every step of the way. It's always been you and me, always."

He brushes Bucky's hair back with his fingertips. "Do you... want me to tell you about it? I could probably talk till morning, and still have stories to spare. Or-- or are you asking... I mean, would it be OK if I, um. Is it OK if I kiss you?"

Bucky nodded, biting his lip. "Both. I mean..." He frowned at himself, brows furrowing before speaking. "I would like you to tell me....everything. Even if it does take until morning, but I also...yes you can kiss me." He said, nodding again and tilting his head slightly.

He cleared his throat, looking Steve over slowly before locking eyes with him. "Just...don't let me overstay my welcome. If you need me to leave, tell me. I don't want to make things hard for you. Not when I know I'm a wanted man." He said, looking down. "I know eventually I have to turn myself in, but I want this first. I want to remember who I was..."

Slowly, a smile breaks through the serious set of his face, lopsided and amused, and maybe just a little teasing around the edges. His mind drifts to a dozen different conversations they've had in years long past where he can remember, almost word for word, saying the same thing. Don't let me overstay my welcome. If you need me to leave, tell me. I don't want to make things hard for you. I can get by on my own if I need to. You don't have to sleep on the couch, I don't mind sharing the bed. Stop trying to pawn all the blankets off on me; c'mere, and we'll keep each other warm.

His thumb brushes Bucky's cheek, affection replacing all of his amusement as he leans in, tenderly brushing his lips against Bucky's. Two soft, shallow pecks, and one lingering kiss, but all easy and undemanding.

"Even I forgot what a dummy you are," he murmurs sweetly, easing back into their old rapport, hoping Bucky remembers enough to take it as the term of endearment it was meant to be and not an insult. He rests their foreheads together for a brief moment. "I want you to stay, as long as you want. Now that there's no SHIELD to put taps on my apartment, nobody has to know you're here until you're ready to tell them."

Everything Bucky said is true. Steve should hand him over to the proper authorities, see that justice is done, but above all else Bucky is his friend. If there's some way he can help him, some way to clear his name, anything, he's going to find it before he lets anyone else put their hands on him. "I want you, Buck. I want you here with me. If... that's what you want."

Bucky couldn't help himself as he leaned into that touch, eyes falling shut for a moment before he felt Steve's lips against his own and he opened them again. He kissed back each time, slowly grasping at his shirt to keep him close. He smiled a bit when their foreheads were pressed together, chuckling.

"Never said I was anything but, punk." He murmured back, licking his lips as he listened to Steve. "Just...promise me if I become a burden that you'll tell me. I don't want to cause trouble for you, Stevie." He said, tilting his head a bit before initiating the next kiss, letting it linger as well, obviously reluctant to pull away. "You give me an offer like that I might never leave."

He smiled, stepping back and looking around before looking down at himself again. "So I think you mentioned something about hot water and fresh clothes? Think I could take you up on that offer?"

[PSL] Steve + Bucky, post-TWS [locked to irememberedhim]

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