Steve Rogers, aka Captain America (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
stark_spangled) wrote2015-07-20 12:59 am
stark_spangled) wrote2015-07-20 12:59 am
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[Personal Log:] A Dream is but a Dream... for peggy_carter
Steve feels like he's just getting back on his feet. Not that he'd ever willingly admit it out loud, but losing Peggy for the second time in a row was hard on him. It took the better part of two years to get over her after waking up the first time ... and only then because he could see her, and talk to her in D.C. (once he worked up the nerve to pick up the phone). Even if time had different plans for them than dancing at the Stork Club and sharing a kiss on V-E Day, he still considered her one of his closest friends and most trusted confidantes.
And then he came here, and there she was. Not retired Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. Margaret Carter, but Peggy. His Peggy. Like looking back through time at the second chance they never got.
And he squandered it.
There's a part of him who believes he did the right thing. She lived a life after he "died". A good life, full of family, children, love; a life where she rose to all of her aspirations, not that he ever doubted she would. Director Carter. He's damn proud of her for that. Everyone on this ship talks about getting home, stopping Q, and could Steve have lived with himself if he took Peggy away from that life because he selfishly wanted his second chance? He finally broke down, asked her on a date, and maybe it was fate punishing him that sent Peg home before that date ever happened. Still, there's some other part of him that will always kick himself wondering what if?
It's taken a few months to stop brooding, mostly at the prodding and eye-rolling of his friends on board, but he thinks maybe things can get back to the way they were. Maybe he can move on this time.
And then he sees her again.
He's walking out of the room he shares with Akito on his way to the gym, pocketing an iPod that's going to run out of battery life eventually, when he catches her going into a room a few doors away out of the corner of his eye. Maybe he's just seeing things, but the way his chest constricts and his mouth turns to cotton is without reason.
"Peg?" he calls, twin lines forming between his brows, watching and waiting to see if the apparition turns back.
And then he came here, and there she was. Not retired Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. Margaret Carter, but Peggy. His Peggy. Like looking back through time at the second chance they never got.
And he squandered it.
There's a part of him who believes he did the right thing. She lived a life after he "died". A good life, full of family, children, love; a life where she rose to all of her aspirations, not that he ever doubted she would. Director Carter. He's damn proud of her for that. Everyone on this ship talks about getting home, stopping Q, and could Steve have lived with himself if he took Peggy away from that life because he selfishly wanted his second chance? He finally broke down, asked her on a date, and maybe it was fate punishing him that sent Peg home before that date ever happened. Still, there's some other part of him that will always kick himself wondering what if?
It's taken a few months to stop brooding, mostly at the prodding and eye-rolling of his friends on board, but he thinks maybe things can get back to the way they were. Maybe he can move on this time.
And then he sees her again.
He's walking out of the room he shares with Akito on his way to the gym, pocketing an iPod that's going to run out of battery life eventually, when he catches her going into a room a few doors away out of the corner of his eye. Maybe he's just seeing things, but the way his chest constricts and his mouth turns to cotton is without reason.
"Peg?" he calls, twin lines forming between his brows, watching and waiting to see if the apparition turns back.
no subject
He doesn't realize he's still grinning even after they've parted, his eyes caught up in her and his mind all tied in knots. He can barely think of anything at all besides the warmth of her hand on his chest. But her sensibleness finally brings him back to a little reason, and he clears his throat and tries to look serious.
"We are," he nods, with a good deal of respect in his voice. "If we were anything else, I'd expect Sister Margaret would have already been by to break us up. You know you're safe with me."
He covers her hand with his, and gives her fingers a squeeze. He means it in more ways than one -- whatever the days bring, he'll always put her first. "Can I escort you around the ship? There's an observation deck that will take your breath away, and if you don't know what the holodecks are yet -- well, you kind of have to see them to believe them."
no subject
"Sister Margaret?" She blinked for a moment wondering if there was something or someone she needed to be aware of. But then it dawned on her it was likely a joke from his upbringing. Sher seemed to recall him talking about such strict school mistresses or other.
"I know I'm safe with you, in every possible way save one, Steve." She spoke softly and with a gravity to her words. "Because I'm afraid you've already stolen my heart, you thief." The last given with a light mirthful laugh and a mischievous sparkle in her dark eyes.
"I'd love to tour the ship with you, since I suppose this is our new home. I mean for all of us here, not just you and I." Oh the thoughts she'd had though. Picket fences and toe headed children running in the yard and playing on a tire swing. She'd conjured images from idyllic pictures in imagines; what life could have been like if things had gone differently.
"Show me, Steve, I want to see everything with you."